Mom worked today, so I didn't see her until after work. I didn't do my hair today. She looks across the table to me and what does she see? Lesions from scleroderma. God damnit. I went and looked. Sure enough, I have the discoloration that is the beginning of lesions. It starts with brown spots, caused by concentration of collagen and pigment. Then the skin tightens and thickens. Defeated, that is how I feel. I should have guessed I was doing too well.
And I don't want to hear that I can handle this, that I am strong. I am running out of strength. Through all of this I have thought, at least my face isn't messed up. That was the thing to keep me going. Now I have lost that.
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